Its time to be honest about my weight and tackle it…
If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you – no doubt you’ll have seen my posts in relation to joining slimming world and the gym. This is a huge deal for me and I wanted to share this. This post is pretty person and something I wanted to share with you all.
It was only till recently I began to realise how unhappy I was with myself and my weight. It got to the point where I was depressed, ashamed and even embarrassed but most of all, unhealthy.
I often reflect on my previous attempts to lose weight and get mad. Mad that I left myself get to this point. Mad that I often make ‘fat jokes’ about myself to hide my feelings and make everything ‘better’. Mad that I keep digging myself in a bigger hole, knowing that I could have prevent this happening. Mad at all the chances I’ve had and thrown them away.
I have researched weight loss surgery alot over the years. I know how expensive it is and I’ve worked out that I would be able to get it done under the NHS. I had avoided reading the traumatising stories and believed that this was my only option and that it would make me happy.
It was only till I truly faced my fear and reflected about the previous attempts of losing weight that weight loss surgery wouldn’t teach my anything. Yes I would lose weight, but would this mentally help? Would this resolve everything? And would this teach me about food and fitness.
Waking up everyday miserable, in fear and depressed is not fun.
This was what I exactly did for many years. I didn’t recognise the person in the mirror anymore.
My dream has always been to travel the world but I’ve been too scared to do so. Every time I go on holiday I fear that the seat belt wont fit or perhaps I wont fit in the seat – certainly not a great way to start a relaxing break away.Something we laugh about when we see people ask for the ‘fat belt’ but deep down if that was us we would be heartbroken. It can’t be pleasant. Another thing when on holiday, I often wear swimming costumes, black clothing and long Tshirts as well as sorts to hide myself and my body away. I don’t think I’ve ever wore a bikini and this is something that hurts. Little things we don’t think about everyday started to come into play even little things like dreading sitting on the sun loungers incase they broke.
The worst thing about being overweight is shopping. It is mortifying and the larger sections are very limited. When you finally find something you like you have the fear of trying it on and will it fit. There has been many times when I’ve broke down in a changing room wishing I could be someone else. Often I will cancel events because I don’t want to have to face the battle of trying to find something to wear. I was living in constant fear.
I finally realised that nobody was coming to save me from myself only me. I could carry on living like this or I could take this moment to rewrite my story.
I have always had support from my loved ones. I know deep down when they’ve mentioned my weight its because they care. I was never really ready to accept it or to face what they told me. I didn’t want them to be worried about my, my health and my weight.
I have now have joined a slimming class and signed up at my local gym. I am ready to start this journey overcoming anything that may come in my way.
Maybe your thinking why do a blog? Why now?
I started this blog to look back on reminding myself of how far I’ve come and why I started this journey. I can only start this journey if I’m honest, face my fears and be true and who better to share it with than you – my dear readers. This is why I have decided to share. If this helps anyone then that is an added bonus. If you are living in fear or your miserable, or wake up every single day hating yourself please remember you have the POWER. You have the strength. Whether you know it or not, you have the support. If you believe in yourself, you can do anything. When your ready to take the leap, I’m here every step of the way.
See my new youtube video here.